Certainly, continue to let him know that he is a good kid and that you of course love and support him.Īdditionally, I’m wondering what other questions about bodies and sexual behaviors your son might have. This way, there is always an adult around to intervene if any other concerning behaviors arise during play. Your son’s consequence right now, really, is increased supervision when he is around peers and younger children.
Safety rules operate like any other rule so that if your son were to break any rule you most likely would educate, redirect, and then give a consequence. Safety planning addresses both children and adult’s behaviors, creating an environment of both open communication and clear expectations. Many parents have told us that they had talked to their child about what to do if someone touches them inappropriately but they never talked to their own child about his or her own behavior. Safety planning involves Talking To Children in the home about healthy sexuality, consent, respect, and the rules about appropriate behavior and privacy. Moving forward, keep talking with your son about your family’s Safety Plan. If you do identify other warning signs in your son’s behavior, then you might want to consider consulting with a counselor who specializes in working with children. Typically, children will respond to adult’s limits about serious safety rules, and it’s when they ignore these rules that we increase our concern. In fact, how your son responds to the limits you communicated to him will tell you a lot about his risk to others. You want to pay attention to repetitive and patterned behavior. As you review these tip sheets of warning signs, please be aware that a singular sign doesn’t mean that your son was either abused or is harming other children. However, I do recommend that you review both Warning Signs of Possible Sexual Abuse In A Child's Behaviors and Signs A Child Is At-Risk to Harm Another Child. I’m glad to hear that this was a first-time incident, and it doesn’t seem like you have any other concerns about his behaviors. According to our Age-Appropriate Behaviors tip sheet, children your son’s age do become “more experimental with sexual behaviors.” A ten year old putting his mouth on someone else’s genitals is an infrequent behavior for his age group, but kids can follow through on things they’re wondering about in lots of different ways. This incident could certainly be a result of your son’s curiosity, as he explained. Play like this enforces the message, “It is safe to play this way with others”, and of course, that isn’t accurate. Your son has much more experience to draw from, and even without explicit coercion, he does have more power than a four year old because he has more knowledge. There is a large age gap, six years, between them and they are coming from remarkably different perspectives as a result. This is because your son and this child are at different developmental levels. Even though exploratory sexual play is normal for both of these children, the reasons why a four year old or a ten year old would choose to explore in this way are very different.
Many parents wonder about How To Recognize Concerning Behavior Between Children. But intervening now is important, as your son can learn safer behaviors which will serve him well for the rest of his life.Īge Appropriate vs Concerning Sexual Play One isolated instance doesn’t indicate that your son is a “sexual predator”, as this other parent fears-kids do make mistakes when they are acting out of curiosity. So it is something that definitely requires follow-up, supervision, and clarification of safety rules. You ask if this is concerning and I want to let you know that, yes, this is as concerning as when a child breaks any other safety rule-like bullying a friend, lying, or stealing from a store. It’s great that you’re paying attention, and that you’ve begun speaking with your son about this.